Beginning Again: Every Day

Everyday I begin again. I begin by voicing and expressing gratitude for what I was able to do yesterday. Yesterday, I replanted the chia sprouts, exercised, brushed my teeth, made a list, drank water, cooked, cleaned the sink, showered and semi-planned for today. Today, I bought groceries, streched a bit, showered and moisturized my body and wrote this post. I am grateful for today, today. The invasive thoughts are here beside me. I am writing from within me. Today, I am grateful. Thank you. Tammi 💚💚💚

Things Aren't Going As Expected

Csiga has had three flats in less than ten days, the person I'm attracted to is giving silent cricket, it's hot in the tent and the bike road that is listed as "EuroVelo" is literally farmland with small stones on top. UGH!!!!!!!! So, why haven't I given up, I mean I could. Giving up is an option, right? No, it isn't. I cant give up. I know this. What if Csiga gets another flat, tonight, tomorrow, in the following days? What if I have to cycle on the highway for fifty kilometers? What if he isn't attracted to me? Are my spiritual senses fucked up? What do I do? Okay, lets do this. As an individual with compounded mental illnesses, I've learned that addressing each "crazy thing" is the key to rebalance; I allow myself to "go crazy." It's a coping mechanism as is wearing sunglasses and listening to music with headphones; they block out all the willful ignorance which enrages me. I'm learning how to not give in to the anger and rage; but, it's a difficult journey. People are so fucking ignorant, on purpose and I am fucking well aware of their desire to stay ignorant. Whew. Got that out. It really helps. I've heard some individuals comment that profanity is used by those who have no command of language, whichever language(s) they may speak. I've learned that this perspective is one I don't agree with. Profanity helps me release all this rage within me, brewin' and fuckin' stewin' especially when the ignorance of others is at its peak. I'm growing. There'll be a day when I wont need certain coping mechanisms, maybe, hopefully. Tammi